An OFF Christmas Carol
by Hail Laser Pigeons
Summary: Due to the dismal morale of the Zones, the Guardians and the Queen got together and thought of potential solutions and ways to cheer up the ever-terrified Elsen (Preferably without drugs made from corpses). (Full summary inside.) Rated for swears.
1. Batter, You Scrooge!

**AN: So, I actually started this in September, but only really made progress with it in November. It's nearly complete, and I'll hopefully update it every two days or so with a new chapter until it's done (which shouldn't take long.) Each chapter is going to be one 'ghost' (past, present and future).**

**Warning(s): Any warnings you'd give to OFF apply to this story, although hopefully it will be less depressing than OFF.**

**Full summary: **

**Due to the dismal morale of the Zones, the Guardians and the Queen got together and thought of potential solutions and ways to cheer up the ever-terrified Elsen (Preferably without drugs made from corpses). The result was Christmas, or at least something quite like it. It was indeed the one time of year when the Elsen weren't afraid, or at least, they were less so. The other inhabitants of the zones enjoyed it as well, including a certain masked merchant, who saw sales skyrocket during this time period. There was but one who was happy during Christmas. Take a guess at who it was. **

An OFF Christmas Carol

Part I: You Scrooge!

The Batter sighed in annoyance at the festive decor surrounding him. Lights of various colours adorned nearly every building and rubber fence. Even in the smoke mines of Damien, the usual lights had been replaced with red and green duplicates. How the ever irritated guardian of zone 1, Dedan, approved this, the Batter didn't know. To make matters worse, he wasn't alone, with the library of Bismark containing new books about some old industrialist learning the joys of Christmas, a bearded fat man breaking and entering in the middle of the night and the residential area filled with strange rings of green shrubbery and odd little circular bells that made noise when shaken. Even the lardass guardian of zone 3, Enoch, had contributed; the Elsen had a two week vacation, plus a powdery white substance fell from the sky. Judging from the smell, it was sugar, although, his Puppeteer insisted it was meant to mimic a similar white substance called "snow".

Whatever _that _was.

Even Zacharie, the masked merchant of their world, enjoyed this "holiday", sporting a red hat along with his frog-like mask during this time of year. To be fair, he was probably excited that people other than the Batter would be buying things from him. The merchant was always just a touch too happy when he and the Puppeteer showed up.

Pablo, better known as the Judge, had tried to convince the Batter that there was value in Christmas, but the sports pyjama clad purifier would refuse to change his opinion. "It is a rare and precious occasion to have a semblance of tranquility, let alone festivity, in the zones. Do try and appreciate it," he'd say.

"_Bah humbug," _the Batter ironically quoted Scrooge. _Who in their right mind would even say that? _The only "good" thing that came out of this Christmas was that there weren't nearly as many spectres as usual. Perhaps they were repelled by the mirth of the once easily scared inhabitants. Or - and the Batter shuddered at the thought - they were celebrating somewhere else on their own.

* * *

><p>"Don't force me to join in on this," he said to his Puppeteer, ever monotonous.<p>

On the inside, he was begging, pleading with the one who controlled his movements to not make him participate in the stupid and redundant tradition of Christmas. They currently mirrored his inner thoughts - eyes pleading - though it was instead to go and "enjoy this while it lasts". The baseball player could feel his strings being tugged at to go and join the nearby group of Elsen, who were wearing red or green ties instead of the usual black. For the first time ever, the Batter resisted the strings, but to no avail. He was half dragged to the Elsen.

"Hhhh... How nice of them to let us do this," one Elsen said, a small smile on his face.

"Yes, it's uh... very nice," another added.

The Batter internally groaned.

"Buenos dias, amigo. I didn't think I would see you here."

Zacharie. _Great. _

"I don't want to be here, but the Player won't let me leave," the Batter said irately.

A person manifested next to him, startling several Elsen. They wore a red T-shirt, dark blue jeans, brown boots and an unconventional pair of orange goggles with LED screens for lenses. An orange 'X' glowed on each screen.

_"You could at least try to enjoy it," _they said, hands folded across their chest. _"You might even find yourself having fun." _

"I'm not here to have fun, I'm here to purify the zones," the Batter replied.

The Puppeteer sighed in annoyance. Zacharie watched their passive-aggressive bickering with mild amusement glinting in his dark eyes.

"What is the point of a Christmas Carol parody, if you aren't anywhere near anything remotely Christmas-like?" he asked. "There's no story in that."

The Player nodded.

"Whatever," the Batter muttered.

"Hey!" a harsh voice was heard from across the room.

An abnormally tall shirtless man with large teeth and a dark green trench coat approached the group. "What are _you _doing here?"

_"Oh no," _the Player said with a worried glance towards the Batter; the man's hands were tightened around his signature baseball bat.

_That's all we need now, _they thought. _Please don't go into combat... _

"You should be enjoying the party!" Dedan exclaimed, uncharacteristically cheerful.

"Party?" the Batter asked. His thoughts directed to his Puppeteer, he snapped, _This is a party now too?_

"You weren't aware of what this celebratory occasion implied, oh sports themed purifier?"

"Pablo! It's good to see you, friend," Zacharie said with a laugh. "It seems the Batter isn't very keen on things like this."

The white cat's omnipresent grin widened.

"Then why is it that he has joined us in this lieu? Unless... Someone else is pulling the strings," he teased.

The Player waved and smiled sheepishly.

_"I was hoping he could learn to appreciate other people's happiness," _they admitted.

"Wishful thinking," Zacharie muttered so the Batter couldn't hear. His customer still narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

"This is distracting us from our mission," the Batter tried once more in convincing the Player that their time was being wasted.

"I think the only one distracted from anything is you, Batter," another voice said nearby.

A small songbird flew over to the group. "For tonight and tomorrow, we forget our differences and treasure this small piece of happiness and tranquility."

"It isn't real then," the Batter argued. "Real peace can only be achieved through-"

"Oh, for once, just forget about the purification of the zones in favour of the celebration!" Enoch, the large guardian of zone 3, said.

"Because that's helped you, lardass," the monochrome man snapped.

A silence came over the group. Even a few Elsen paused their activities and looked their way. Though no one could see it, the Player rolled their eyes in frustration.

_"I've been your ultimate guide in this place, helping you without ever questioning anything. The least you could do is just try-"_

"Try and waste our time? We have a holy mission-"

_"To purify the zones, yes, but what is more pure than peace and happiness, Batter?"_

"We'll know when our mission is completed, but you are slowing the process again!"

_"I told you, that other time was my laptop was broken!" _the Player explained for the umpteenth time. _"You are never going to let me live that down, are you?_

_ "You know what; don't answer that. You don't want to be here? Fine. See if I care. But I'm not helping you be a stick in the mud, a-"_

"Prick!" Dedan offered.

"Spoil-sport!" Japhet added.

"Scrooge!" Zacharie suggested.

_"Scrooge. Yeah, that fits perfectly, thank you Zacharie," _the Player said.

They turned their attention back to their puppet._ "You're acting just like him. And you know what happened to Scrooge, don't you?" _The Batter shook his head, slightly confused. Where was the Puppeteer going with this...

_"He-_

_ "Was-_

_ "ALONE!" _

The Batter cried out in pain as the strings that held him since his awakening in this world suddenly released him. He collapsed to the floor like the abandoned marionette he was. Shakily returning to his feet, he glared at the one being he could truly call an ally. _"Oh don't give me that. I'll still helping you after this, but until Christmas is over, you're on your own." _

"You can't talk to them-" the Batter jerked his head towards the people behind him, "- anymore. You need me for that."

_"I can still communicate with them in other ways. And they know I'm here."_

"They can't see you."

_"Could they ever see me before this?" _

The Batter huffed in annoyance, before turning on his heel and marching off, Add-On Alpha in tow. Omega and Epsilon hovered uncertainly on the spot. While loyal to the Batter, and by extension, his Puppeteer, they weren't sure what to do in a situation like this. _"Go with him. He's gonna need the help now that I'm not there," _the Player said. With a musical hum, the two glowing rings shot after the purifier.

"If only Valerie could see this," the Judge sighed. "Have any of you seen my dear brother?"

* * *

><p>An eerily cheerful xylophone riff played from an unknown source in the red room. A small, wide-eyed boy in a crimson jumper held a stuffed toy made to resemble a piece of meat.<p>

"They left him alone," he said, coughing. "No one should be alone on Christmas."

* * *

><p>"Who needs them?" the Batter yelled to no one, fending off a stray group of spectres.<p>

They were stronger than usual. He swung his bat at a Blind Spectre, before it struck back and did a lovely number on his health. The Add-Ons fared no better, Epsilon out of competence points and Omega nearly dead. Alpha was trying to fight the poison coursing through its system.

He was back in the Damien smoke mines and swore that the spectres had doubled in strength and numbers since his last time here. The purple walls seemed to mock him as he desperately tried to complete his mission. But without the enhancements of a Player to back him up, he was left to make his own decisions, and could never seem to remember to heal himself or his allies. He had felt like this before; the Player would occasionally let him decide how to purify the spectres, but it wouldn't be long before they had to intervene, either to heal, or simply because the Batter wasn't being as efficient as they were. It wasn't his fault he didn't know all of the Add-Ons' abilities. How was he supposed to know Epsilon had a competency that let it attack all enemies at once?

"I don't need the Puppeteer to tell me what to do," he growled, smacking a spectre with particular malice at the word "puppeteer".

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the onslaught of spectres dwindled, and the quartet of purifiers were left in peace, for now. The Batter examined himself and the spherical entities aiding him. Pulling out a few Luck Tickets, and a piece of Belial's Meat for Alpha, he tended to their injuries, before noting Epsilon's lack of competency points. Much to his dismay, he found they had no Silver or Gold Flesh. He checked the black and red oozing remains of the spectres.

Nothing.

The Batter threw his weapon to the ground, struggling to contain his emotions. However, much like a professional sports player, he wasn't about to throw a fit. Even though the Player had said they abandoned him, he could still feel their gaze on him. Maybe they were amused by his attempts to manage on his own.

Maybe they regretted their choice to leave him.

He couldn't go any further. Without the strings to support him and give him a strange endurance, paired with the increased difficulty with battles he was experiencing, the Batter was exhausted. He wasn't alone in this, for the three glowing rings hovered closer to the ground than normal, their light shining less and less. It was only the monochrome man's hubris that kept him going at this point. He never realized how powerful the spectres were when he was on his own.

Groaning in realization that the Player would never let him live this down, the Batter staggered out of the mines and into the small building near the Pentel train. Once safely inside, he promptly collapsed on the floor, the Add-Ons not too far behind. They were down to two; Epsilon was no more than a slightly cracked, dark ring, held up by its weary brothers. The drained purifier fought with last grains of his strength against the veil of sleep, but it was fruitless. His eyes closed, no creature, spectre or otherwise, able to wake him.

* * *

><p><strong>Ooh, I bet you can't guess what will happen next!<strong>_  
><em>

**Sorry, my sense of humour is quite pathetic.**


	2. Warning: The Toad King

**AN: This chapter is incredibly short, but I really want to keep the different parts separate. I promise the other sections will not be this embarrassingly short, although they probably won't compare to the first chapter/part. **

An OFF Christmas Carol

Part II: The Warning - The Toad King

_"Wake up, Batter..." _A deep voice resonated through the room, slowly rousing a groggy Batter from the realm of dreams.

Acting as all do when deprived of full brain capacity, the Batter asked, "Who're you?"

_"You may know me as the Toad King," _the voice replied.

The Batter blinked.

"Who?"

_"The monarch from the book in Bismark? The one where Zacharie kills me?" _The baseball themed protagonist shook his head. _"You don't pay attention to anything._

_ "Anyway, I'm here to warn you. You will b-"_

"If Zacharie killed you..." The Batter stood up shakily, holding his bat at the ready. "Show yourself, corrupted child!"

_"You are the worst listener ever!" _the Toad King whined.

Suddenly, a translucent figure revealed itself.

The man was dressed in the garb of medieval royalty, complete with a deep purple cape that was tattered towards the end, and a flaming crown atop his head. His eyes were black pits and his mouth was curved down in an ugly scowl. The rest of his face matched it perfectly.

The Batter learnt quite quickly where the Toad King's namesake came from. _"Will you listen to me now?"_

"I don't have time for that; you must be purified," the Batter said, preparing for a battle.

**Purification in progre-**

_"Oh no you don't!" _the ghost cried out. _"You're far too weak to fight. And besides... I could wipe the floor with you."_

The Batter raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think-"

_"Cosmic favouritism," _the fallen kind interrupted. _"I'm not doing this by my will. No, I'd rather see you-"_

"The Puppeteer put you up to this, didn't they?" the Batter questioned.

_"Are you like this all the time?"_

"Or maybe you're simply telling me this so that I believe that the Player has become corrupt, which would lead me to purify them, making it easier for you to kill me..."

_"I wonder how long you'll act so out of character before realizing that you're slowing the progress of this highly predictable storyline and boring the readers!" _

The monochrome man gestured towards the fourth wall. "They're entertained by this! You're the one boring them."

Actually, Batter, _I'm _getting bored with all this out of character-ness and fourth wall breaking. Can we please resume the story without further interruption?The two males nodded in agreement.

Thank you.

_"So, as I was saying, you will be visited by three ghosts-" _The Batter opened his mouth to speak. _"Not a damn word from you!_

_ "Good. Now, you will be visited by three ghosts who will all try and deter you from your current path. I strongly suggest you heed their warnings, lest you end up the way I did," _the Toad King said darkly.

"A spectre?"

_"No, a character who literally has a page in a book's worth of reference and no screen time!" _I said stop breaking the fourth wall. _"Sorry." _

The Batter considered the dead man's words for a moment.

"I don't think you're telling the truth. Even if you believe you are," he said.

_"Fine, ignore my words- But remember those of your Puppeteer..." _The Toad King faded from existence as though he had been purified.

"..." The Batter stared at the spot where the monarch had once been. "What a moron."

* * *

><p>"It was so different before," the boy says as he holds his toy tighter.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>This was a somewhat stupid chapter. Fun to write, but stupid. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! More to come soon!<strong>


	3. The Past

**AN: Whelp... Okay, none of these are that long. I was hoping to get it at around 1500 words, but that didn't happen so... Enjoy what there is?**

An OFF Christmas Carol

Part III: The Past

"Batter..." the cat nudged the unconscious baseball player's arm. "Wake up..."

When he received no response, the feline resorted to the most ancient efforts of his kind...

He promptly began pawing at the Batter's face, claws slightly extended.

"Wha... What the-!" The baseball tunic clad man started and pulled himself away from the offending creature.

Wiping the cat fur and drops of blood from the newfound scratches on his face, he glared at the cat before him. "Who are... Wait a minute, are you Valerie?"

"Yes, I am," the cat replied.

The Batter observed him more closely.

"You're a spectre."

Indeed, Valerie did take on a spectral form; the Batter could see right through him, literally. There was a gaping hole where his neck should be, as though something had burst out of it. Blood stained his white fur.

At the mentioning of ectoplasms, Alpha and Omega buzzed to life and approached Valerie, apprehensive. A moment later, it seemed the ghostly feline had passed their inspection, for the Add-Ons hovered back to their master. "That is true as well," Valerie confirmed. "But that isn't why I'm here. I'm here to convince you that Christmas isn't a waste of time, by showing you a happy memory of yours."

"I don't have any memories before I was given my mission," the Batter protested.

"Then I'll use someone else's happy memories." And with that, Valerie whisked the monochrome man into the past.

* * *

><p>It was a cheerful scene. All throughout the city, various coloured lights decorated the balconies of the numerous apartments and the houses of the suburban areas. Children had been outside earlier that day, playing in the pristine white snow that covered the ground, giving off that festive holiday feeling only found in the cold month of December. Now they were all inside, spending time with their families, and overall appreciating life.<p>

"Where are we?" the Batter asked. He, along with Valerie, stood on the rooftop on one of the buildings close to the edge of the city.

"The past. A long, long time ago. Before the world as you and I know it existed," the spectral cat replied.

"The people look different."

"That's because they aren't Elsen, like you're used to. They are human."

"Human..." The Puppeteer had mentioned these "humans" once before. From what he heard, they were incredibly complex creatures, and quite prone to insanity, though not as much as the ever paranoid Elsen.

"Yes. Shall we take a closer look?" Valerie guided the Batter to the window of a small family's house. The stoic man was slightly unnerved at how they glided through the air, not unlike the specters he sought to purify.

The window gave them a clear view into the family's living room. Inside, along with a lit fireplace, was a pine tree covered in tinsel and little decorative trinkets of varying nature. On the nearby door was a circular ring made with similar materials. _It's just like the stupid decorations in the zones, _the Batter noted. He returned his attention to the Judge's brother. "Aren't you worried they'll see us?"

"They can't. We aren't really here, as far as these people are concerned." Valerie nodded towards the window. "Look, here they come."

"They" turned out to be a family of three; a mother, father and little boy. The boy appeared to be running from his father, while the mother laughed. The father caught up with the boy and lifted him into the air, and proceeded to make him "fly" around the room. When they settled, the mother brought out a laptop and opened an application. _What's that... _After a few minutes, an elderly couple appeared on the screen. The little boy smiled and clapped. The parents exchanged looks and grinned in turn. They had a conversation and after a while, the boy became distracted and went to play with his toys.

"..." The Batter remained silent. "Why are you showing me this?"

Valerie scoffed. "To show you that people take joy in this tradition! Can't you understand that they are happy to be together, as a family? It's something the zones lack, something they need, and this is something that will help! You shouldn't mock Christmas; it can make even the most unfortunates' lives better. You see the man?" The Batter nodded. "He was depressed before he found her-" Valerie gestured the best he could towards the wife, "- and got married. That child and that woman are his life now. He'd be nothing without them. They met on Christmas Eve."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"It doesn't, see? But you should still be happy for them, or at least let them appreciate their happiness and not ruin it by being so actively pessimistic; like earlier tonight."

"...Whatever."

Valerie sighed and transported them back to the present.

* * *

><p>"You are absolutely impossible to convince of anything," the feline accused. "While it isn't my duty, I feel the need to warn you that this isn't the right path. There is still time to change, Batter..." With that, Valerie faded away, leaving no trace of his presence other than the thin scars running down the Batter's face.<p>

"Escaping from your purpose is impossible. I was destined to purify the zones, and that's what I'll do. I'm not letting a stupid 'holiday' get in the way of that." The monochrome man attempted once more to rest.

* * *

><p>"... He doesn't understand, does he?" the boy said. "What would make him..."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Next up: There's no time like the Present. I wonder who will visit the Batter next...<strong>


	4. The Present

**AN: Wow... I am not used to having this many people be interested in my stuff. Thank you so much to those who bothered to click on and read this story. Sorry for the awkward waiting times, my schedule is rather hectic. **

An OFF Christmas Carol

Part IV: The Present

"WAKE THE FUCK UP, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF WORM SHIT!" The Batter jumped to his feet in seconds, reaching for his bat. "You try anything with that wooden stick and I'll shove it up your ass and lick your face like a Popsicle!" The baseball tunic attired male analyzed his opponent carefully. At a glance, the person before him was Dedan, the loud-mouthed hotheaded guardian of zone 1. But this Dedan was transparent, like Valerie had been, and had an odd dent in his head.

Alpha and Omega zoomed in from the adjacent room, having heard the commotion and stood - or rather, floated - at the ready. "Leave or face my holy wrath," the Batter warned.

"You can't do shit without _this_," Dedan- or rather, the specter posing as Dedan- mocked as he held the Batter's weapon of choice just out of the man's reach. "Now shut the hell up and listen, because I want this to be over as soon as possible.

"I- agh, this is so retarded," Dedan pulled out a piece of paper. "I am Dedan, the guardian of zone 1 and I'm here to show you that you're being- okay, fuck that-" He tossed the paper and it went through the wall, into the abyss that was beyond it. "Look, you're being a complete dick by pissing on Christmas. Let's go see how miserable you've made everyone."

"I don't want to-"  
>"DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT?"<p>

* * *

><p>After Dedan rudely teleported the Batter back to the place he had put so much effort into leaving, he also had the nerve to make him enter the wretched building to see "what he'd done".<p>

It appeared that his earlier disruption of the party did not do any lasting damage, as most of the guests were laughing, talking and some were even dancing.

"Over there," Dedan said, pointing towards the opposite end of the room.

Standing in a loose circle, the three guardians, along with a couple of Elsen and the Judge, were talking with Zacharie. "Hey, I'm pretty good-looking," Dedan said, checking out his living counterpart.

"Tch," was all the Batter could manage to say.

He focused his attention on the group.

They were listening to Zacharie tell a joke. It was apparently very funny, because everyone was laughing, including-

His Puppeteer!

So they hadn't been following him at all. No, here they were, making small talk with their enemies. "Well don't just stand there like a useless hunk of meat! Go over there and listen to them," Dedan encouraged.

The Batter walked over to the group, now close enough to hear their conversation.

_"Tell them about the time he fell into the meat fountains!" _his Player implored Zacharie, the only one who could hear them.

"Ah, yes, how could I forget about that?" Zacharie replied with a chuckle.

He began recounting, in vivid detail, the story of when the Batter, in one of his less graceful moments, fell off of a pedalo and nearly drowned in Alma's famous meat fountains. It had taken him hours to get the stains out of his tunic: he only had plastic to wash it with, after all.

"And that's why I prefer to stay away from him on Thursdays," Zacharie finished. "It's honestly a shame that he can't be here with us..."

"Who cares?" said the (living) Dedan. "If he wants to be a piece of shit that's his problem."

"It would do him some good to take joy in something other than purification," Japhet countered.

"I doubt he knows what real joy feels like," Zacharie replied and everyone sniggered.

_"If only he bothered to give it a chance..." _his Player sighed. _"But nooo! If it doesn't have anything to do with purification, he wants to hear nothing about it. I can barely convince him to talk to the Elsen! Even then, once they've told him whatever we needed to know, he just leaves. Honestly, he can be a complete jerk sometimes."_

Zacharie nodded before reciting what they said to the others.

"Sometimes, dear Puppeteer?" the Judge inquired. "He is no longer in this lieu, you aren't under any obligation to speak kindly of our sports attired 'hero'."

"Indeed," agreed Enoch. "Please feel free to say whatever is truly on your mind."

His Puppeteer remained silent and the Batter almost thought they were ignoring the industrial zone's director. Finally, they spoke. _"I think he's a delusional extremist. Sure, there are things that go on in the zones that are... Less than ethical to say the least, but does that really justify 'purifying' everything by destroying it?" _

Under his mask, Zacharie raised an eyebrow. The Player hadn't purified a single zone yet and had never completed the game before. How did they know what the Batter's true mission was? Pausing slightly, he reiterates the Puppeteer's words.

The Batter is shocked. He always thought that the Player understood his motives perfectly. He thought they knew how corrupt this world really was and how past fixing it they were. The only option left was to purify it. She let it go to waste, let it fall to corruption. It's _her_ fault that he's sick, _it's better this way_-

Dedan noticed the Batter's anger. "I think you get the point. Let's get the hell out of here."

* * *

><p>Back in the little house, the Batter patiently waited for Dedan's ghost to leave before retrieving his bat and promptly demolishing the little desk in the centre of the room.<p>

"My intentions are**_ pure_**," he hissed, accentuating his words with a swing of his weapon.

Alpha and Omega nervously floated near him, happy that he had returned, but nervous that he would turn on them should they interfere with his childish display of anger. After a few minutes, the desk was completely totaled and the Batter stood before it, panting. Omega hesitantly flew over to the purifier, before flickering and making a humming sound. Hovering in front of it was a single, bloodstained Joker.

The Batter nodded wordlessly and took it, before walking over to Epsilon's still form. He was momentarily unsure of what to do with the Joker - it was usually the Puppeteer who healed him and his allies - and chose to simply toss it on the Add-On. It fell through the centre of the circular entity, and Epsilon slowly brightened, cheerfully humming in gratitude.

Alpha and Omega's glows brightened as well as they rushed to meet their revived companion. They exchanged what the Batter assumed to be relieved words and zipped around the room together. While watching the display of three white hula hoops flying through the air like they were dancing, the Batter couldn't help but make a small smile. It took him a full minute to notice, long enough for the Add-Ons to see it and come to a full stop. He coughed and the smile vanished.

But nothing could change the fact that it had been there.

* * *

><p>The little boy coughs. "Was that...?<p>

"Maybe he can learn..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Only one or two more chapters left, and this will be over. Hopefully it will be finished before the 31st. <strong>


	5. The Future

**AN: I should probably stop making deadlines I can't make. Anyway, I sincerely apologise once again for the delay. Midterms and projects are not very kind. Thank you so much to everyone who read and enjoyed my story, and to Randomsnowcannon and AuraPen for reviewing! Honestly, someone taking the time to leave a comment saying that they liked something I made means so much.**

An OFF Christmas Carol

Part V: The Future

_'Where's the third one?' _Epsilon whispered. _'There are always three...'_

_ 'Technically, there are always four,' _Omega corrected. _'But why take so long?'_

_ 'Maybe it's better this way...' _Alpha said. _'It's not like anything will ever change his mind...'_

The Add-Ons ceased their conversation for a moment. _'But...'_

_ 'Yes, Epsilon?' _Omega encouraged.

_'Are we doing him any good by helping this monster?'_

* * *

><p>The Batter could not understand exactly what the Add-Ons were saying, but he could hear their whispers. <em>"Always three... Better this way... Change his mind... Monster..." <em>Whatever they were discussing, it couldn't be good, or useful to the mission. Although they brought up a good point.

Where was the third and final spectre?

Considering the nature of the previous ghosts, the Batter assumed this one was to present him something from the future, but where was it? Did whoever that decided to try and change his ways suddenly give up? Somehow that thought was more unnerving than the harassment continuing. It meant that whoever the mastermind behind this had given up on him. Even though he saw no point to this, guilt trip, he supposed, it still felt bad to be considered not worth the effort.

Just as the Batter contemplated attempting to return to the wretched party, a figure appeared at the doorway, covered from head to toe in a black cloak. Their head brushed against the ceiling, but the cloak fell in a way that suggested they were floating as well. They didn't speak a word, and only held out their hand, which was concealed by their sleeve.

Hesitantly, the Batter stood up and started to walk towards them. They shook their head and gestured towards the wall behind him. The Batter turned and saw his bat. Mildly confused, he went over and retrieved it. The figure nodded in approval.

As the Batter followed them out the door, they noticed something... Strange had happened to Zone 1. All the colour had been drained from it, leaving a pristine white in its place. It was blinding to look at, contrasting with the purple interior of the small building he had just been inside. They passed by the mine entrance, and the Batter noticed the pathway to the annex tunnel was missing.

The figure guided him to the traincar and selected the destination Elsen. They rode in silence, and the Batter chose to take this moment to learn what was under that hood. He couldn't see anything distinct from this angle, but the person definitely had a humanoid face shape. The figure noticed him staring and once again shook their head.

They arrived at Elsen and the figure floated over to the nearby save block, which retained its red colour. They gestured to the Batter, then the cube. He nodded and obediently pressed the button on its surface. "Full HP and CP restored. Save game?" the box said in a mechanical drone.

The figure shrugged. "Gave saved. Return to the nothingness?"

The Batter knew where this was going. They once again pushed the button on the cube. White rings whisked them away from the vacant zone.

* * *

><p>While he had no idea where they had ended up, it was certainly <em>not<em> the Nothingness. The layout was vaguely reminiscent of Zone 2, but it was just as void and white as Zone 1 had been when the figure arrived.

A horrible cry pierced the silence.

The Batter almost jumped at the sound. It was so pained, so full of sorrow and it echoed all across the remains of the zone. He wished it would stop.

The figure, ignoring the Batter's discomfort, made its way towards the library entrance. The Batter followed reluctantly: the noise got louder the closer they were to the building. The cry continued to crescendo until they reached the top of the library. He prepared himself for anything: a spectre, a boss battle, even his own Puppeteer.

None of those were there.

The awful cry was coming from the Judge; the Batter supposed 'meow' was more accurate than cry. From up here, the sound bounced back, and if he didn't know better, the Batter would have sworn another cat was replying. The figure motioned for him to back away. He complied, and was met with another bizarre sight.

He watched as _he _climbed up the ladder and approached the Judge. "What are you doing?" the other him asked.

The Judge temporarily stopped his meowing. "I am meowing at my lung's fullest. I would even argue that the echo that reverberates back to me is the voice of someone I know... Have you seen my dear brother?"

The Batter turned to the mysterious figure.

**_"Valérie..." _**It wasn't spoken so much as thought to the Batter. **_"Is this pure to you, Batteur?"_**

****The same white rings transport them away from the top of the library.

* * *

><p>"Stop right there you impostor."<p>

The Batter was in a room he didn't recognize. It was completely white, like everything else he had seen, but this room had a switch on the far wall. It was in the "on" position. What he assumed to be the future version of himself stood before it, now facing the Judge. The cat was still smiling, but his eyes stared daggers into the other Batter. His Puppeteer was also present, and- were they crying?

"I must say that I had placed the blindest of confidences, the solidest of hopes and the most sincere belief in you," the Judge continued. "We can well say that I have erred to the bones."

He turned to address the Puppeteer. "But the real betrayer is rather the one who lies beyond the eye of the cat.

"What have you done, Puppeteer?" he asked. "Is the opaque mist of the sceneristic frame really your excuse for killing wife and child?"

They flinched at the feline's words, particularly at the word 'child'. The Batter noticed that his future self was covered in blood; well, more blood than usual. It wasn't the darker, almost black blood of a spectre either. "You have not purified this place. You have destroyed, eradicated it. You have immersed it into a pristine nothingness."

His future self finally spoke up. "It's better like that."

"I should not have lent you my hand," the Judge returned his focus to the other Batter. "I should have detected the black flame that consumed your soul from the beginning."

Much to both Batters' surprise, the Judge turns to the crying Puppeteer, a shadow of hope in his eyes. "Puppeteer, join me," he said and the Puppeteer's eyes widened, "expiate the sins with me that we are guilty of by preventing this monster from completing his work."

"Don't do that," the future Batter countered. "I need you in order to purify this world."

The Judge scoffed at his opponent's weak argument. "The time has now come to render your final and futile judgment."

For the longest time, the Puppeteer remained silent, simply staring at the two beings in the otherwise empty room. Neither of them spoke. The Batter watched his Puppeteer's face and knew for a fact that they were very conflicted. At the same time, he wondered why this was taking so long. There was no point in them making a choice. If what the Judge said was true, then their mission was almost complete. There was nothing left.

The Batter was about to ask the figure why they chose to show him this, until the Puppeteer opened their mouth. _"Batter,"_ they began. _"You... You knew, didn't you?"_

The Batter's future self didn't respond. _"You knew what we were doing this whole time? You didn't think to say anything?"_

They turned onto their soon-to-be-ex-puppet. _"What did you figure, that I would be too stupid to realize what we were doing wasn't saving anyone? I'm not an idiot, you know! But I thought that at least... At least in the end you'd prove me wrong. I thought that you'd explain why all those innocent people had to die, I thought you'd tell me that the world would be rebuilt, everyone would come back- but NO! You just killed them!" _

"You are mistaken," the future Batter replied. "I told you my mission was to purify the zones. That mission is nearly complete."

_"You think _this_," _they gestured to the walls around them, _"is pure? There's nothing in it! What's the point of a 'pure' world with no one to live in it? Why should that even exist?_

_ "You know what: it doesn't matter anymore. I might have let you get this far, but you aren't taking away what's left of this place." _

The Puppeteer stormed over to the Judge. _"I won't let you." _

A loud **_SNAP!_** and the future Batter's screams filled the room. The actual Batter flinched; he knew what happened. The Puppeteer had forcefully cut his strings. The future him collapsed to the floor, writhing in pain.

The Judge purred. "That choice was, even though pathetically useless, I think, the right one."

The strings that connected the Puppeteer to their puppet laced themselves around the cat and the two of them prepared for combat. "And now Batter, taste our revanchist thirst for justice of no avail."

With a mighty roar, the future Batter rose to his feet - but he did not look the same.

Where a broken puppet once stood, a giant, crocodilian monster replaced him. The Batter's eyes widened. What was that? Was it really him? He turned to the figure: they watched on silently as always.

The fight didn't last long. Monster or not, the future Batter's body was weak from the snapped strings and previous days (or was it hours? He no longer knew) of battles. The Judge and the Puppeteer won easily.

"Your demented crusade ends here," the Judge said to the bloody heap of limbs that was once the baseball themed purifier. "Die, Batter, with the eternal souvenir of not having conducted your sad scheme to its end."

His future self managed to choke out, "It's too late. Everything is lost."

"I know," replied the Judge, "but I prefer this over your victory."

The Batter's corpse disappeared, leaving a pool of dark blood behind. The Puppeteer stared at it, tears still streaming down their face from underneath their goggles. The Judge turned towards them.

"Hence nothing remains except for our regrets."

The world went black.

* * *

><p>The Batter awoke in the Nothingness, the cloaked figure still standing next to him. "That... That is the result of my mission?" he asked.<p>

The figure nodded. **_"Even your Puppeteer finds you horrifying. A monster, that's what you are to them. Nothing but a monster. After all, how could a holy purifier kill an innocent girl?"_**

****The Batter narrowed his eyes in confusion. Then he remembered. _Sugar. _

**_ I'm feeling way to cold..._**

**_ I didn't like that dance... my dear friend. :-(_**

**_I think the huge, frightening ducky has won this round._**

**_ Say goodbye to Zacharie for me..._**

"She was..."

**_"Impure? How so?" _**The Batter fell silent. **_"All you do is cause pain and suffering wherever you go. Even your allies find you appalling. The least you can do is let them have one night of happiness before you take it all away from them." _**

"I... I will."

* * *

><p>"So he knows now...<p>

"I guess it's better this way..."

* * *

><p>A high pitched buzzing stirred the Batter awake. He opened his eyes and almost immediately shut them. Alpha was right in his face, glowing brightly and frantically humming. "I'm not dead," the Batter said in an attempt to ease the Add-On's concerns. It did little to dissuade Alpha. The glowing ring zipped out of the room, still buzzing loudly, and returned with Omega trailing behind it.<p>

Eventually, the two Add-On's managed to explain that Epsilon had went to get the Puppeteer, through one of the worst games of charades the Batter's ever played in his life. Soon enough, he felt the strings he'd come to miss return. The Puppeteer burst into the room, Epsilon in tow.

_"Oh my God, are you okay? You didn't get hurt, did you? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let you go out on your own like that! What kind of Player am-"_

"Stop worrying," the Batter cut them off. "It's nothing a few Luck Tickets can't fix."

"Well, look who can speak a fucking full sentence!" Dedan's voice came from outside the small building.

The Batter's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Who else is here?" he asked.

_"I wasn't the only one worried about you, you know." _

"I doubt it."

There was no way anyone else was worried about him, let alone Dedan. But sure enough, as he stepped outside, all of the Guardians and Zacharie stood waiting outside. _"See?" _

"Buenos días, Batter!" Zacharie said with a laugh. "Did you have a fun Christmas adventure?"

"I wouldn't call it fun," the Batter replied, recalling recent events. "Zacharie..."

"Hm? What is it, mon ami?"

He sounded genuinely surprised. "You're a very good items merchant... and a good friend."

His comment stunned the group into silence. It was the compliment's recipient who broke it. "As are you."

"Except for the part about being an items merchant," Japhet joked.

The rest of the night went off without a hitch. While the Elsen weren't the most fun party goers, everyone had a good time, but when it came time for everybody to return to their respective zones, and the Batter and the Puppeteer to the nearest save block, the purifier couldn't help but feel... Strange.

What the mysterious figure had shown him... Was it real, or was it just to get him to join on the Christmas festivities? And who were they? They had no voice, no face and gave him no name. At least the other ghosts had introduced themselves.

The Batter chose to forget about the person for now. None of those questions mattered anyway. He would complete his mission with his Puppeteer no matter what.

After all, _escaping your purpose is impossible._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This had a much less humorous ending than intended. I couldn't think of a lighthearted way to end it, since the point of A Christmas Carol was for Scrooge to change his ways, but we know the Batter never changes for anyone or anything. I suppose that's similar to OFF's actual atmosphere. For all the kooky fun-times and junkie colours, it's a very sad game in the end.<strong>

**Oh well. This is the last chapter, in case anyone is wondering. It was still fun to write!**


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